old man

I fell back,
two steps behind
to watch your heals make their quick escape

and when I ran to your bedside
all I saw was a dreaming child
too small to cradle
and too large to crush

So I fell back on the mattress
popping your dream bubbles
with a newborn's cry

I've sunk you back into the same step,
tied to another lonesome unit,
chained to the chestnut tree
where you'll never grow old

I'll wear you to bone
before you think of motives
or learn to say so

Won't sleep, you'll change
Night has it's way of changing men
and making them old
and loosening knots


So fall back,
one step behind
to long for your escape

I chose to jump

How true one becomes when they shed real tears,
how real and vulnerable
Oh! How uncovered you were in my arms
and each shoulder's shudder brought you further into sight
and I knew I'd brought you there

I saw the fact, that
Love can die of betrayal,
it can die of jealousy and mistrust
and it can be taken away-
as easily as fire by rain

I put you out dear one,
climbed out of the sanctuary in your arms,
ran you to the cliff's peak,
brought you straight to the edge,
and just when you thought I might push you

I chose to jump

His words

In a past life I was your father and I took care of you

I protected you and held you close

In another you were my wife and we were happy

You were devoted to me and I made you mine

In some life further on I will be your son

And you will be the one who holds on

I do not know what we are right now

But I know that I love you and I know that you need me

With your own two hands

When you threw me down and you bent my knees for me

You really only made my smile grow wider

And when you shred my spine into the wood

My laughter was ringing through your halls

And each time you hit me, fist after fist

My brain burst remembering a million joyous memories

Because though I’m awfully tattered now

And my ribs crack when I stand

You did it all to me

With your own two hands

Night Will Come

Once, twice, a third time, I cracked

Under your eyes, and

Ripped your ring to shreds

Twice, and the third time

I knew it was all wrong and

My impulse was not to blame

Except, I did

When you saw the evidence, did

It destroy you inside, and outside? My

Lies, each of them

Lay beneath another

Couldn’t she possibly change and grow

Or learn to feel like

Most of us? Well, I’m

Endless.

At first it ended in a flurry, a harsh word, a thrown stone, a buzzing silence

Then came the question parade

To each truth one side shuddered 

Hearing the other giggle, the

Endless one

Sin, fight, death chuckler,

Understanding no emotion at all and

Next was a shock of tears 

Soothed by

The rhythm of a cry

Only dancing downward, the 

Parade of salted soldiers

                                     well it's over now and night will come

I'll learn

Now that I have the freedom to do what I want all I want to do is collapse in your arms

St Lambert

I’m 7, sister, 9 and cousin, 8

We ride bikes

as far as the corner store

Buy juicy fruit and soda

on the streets of St Lambert

on hot September afternoons

From Granny’s house,

kissing the Swedish grandpa we call Fa-Fa

because he lives so far away

We pass the kite park

Sky full of colourful flyers

And the old church

which my mother says is haunted

and the cemetery,

holding our breath as we pedal by

But on the spiked black gate

With its rusted-over shine

A squirrel is impaled

Speared straight through the belly

Eyes wide

in a tableau of pain

On the cemetery side

another squirrel

looks up doubtfully

waiting for the other to come down

Sister tells me not to touch it

but I scoop the dead up, guts and all, and lay it down

The other scurries off nervously,

the scent of death reaching its nose,

eyeing far off acorns

We bike home

more aware of our mortality,

my hand sticky with blood

When we drove

When he drives with me in the rain he goes slow. He keeps the emergency lights on. He wants to keep me safe. He lets all the other cars pass us. He reaches over to hold my hand while he steers with the other. He lets me lay on his shoulder as he manoeuvres. I want to bury myself in him like he is sand. There is no way to get close enough. He goes quiet when it pours. He lets the sound surround us like a thick fog. We don’t listen to music. We breathe very quietly.