On the eve of war he comes to me

On the eve of war he comes to me In all the life leading up to this he lived it for me; Time blurred and my heart was still a seed All curses and heartache were behind glass for me to watch in niavity Freedom was a place in stories He placed it in the palm of my hand: Smaller than a dew drop, brighter than a sunbeam Sight,touch, life Then my body splits at the sight of him, I multiply at his grasp I cling to him- the gentle rasp of his breath, the constant ache of his chest I see him in the shadows on the floor, in every woman's eyes' Hollows, fragments, shifts, bends Intoxicated by his abundance Imprisoned by his promise False forevers in his letter I come to him on the eve of death Not knowing of the battles ahead I'm unmasked by his communion of kisses, by his mass of lies I climb outside myself and look to them this row of unmasked statues waiting to come to life I come to him on the eve of paradise with a promise to die beside him- to die beneath him In the place I began, in the place that he found me- to let his divinity surround me

Thunder song

From the deck to the sea floor
I swallowed my tongue
Chanting your name when the thunder had come

The blind man with the shattered nose knows your song
You're six parts flesh to one part mud
The congregation of sinners sing your hymn
You're the sick man's deathbed and the tough man's blood

Well, I conjured the lover that started a flood
I sunk to the bottom on seeing her face
You rise to occasion to give her the rose
I rise to the ceiling a glimmer of grace

From the deck to the sea floor
I swallowed my tongue
Chanting your name when the thunder had come

In these nights

In these nights I remember sharing the last cigarette,
your lips on my thigh
How you called me a junkie
Bitter drips and the way you hit me
like you had no choice but to control me

Unison breathing
and hiding every piece of reason in your bed sheets
And your jealousy at my outstanding loyalty
Thinking you shone fidelity and honesty,
that you were the only way to the place I had to be

I'm dancing bitter
I'm singing longing
And the longing is for you to still want me
even though you are nothing like the person I made you out to be
Clinging to the t-shirt you gave me like some false memory

In these nights
I write and rewrite suicide notes
Some that blame you
All that love you
Sick at myself for thinking I knew you

I think of your hands:
All that you did with them,
all that you brought on me
and stuck on me,
and I realize how small I was when you crushed me with reality

I'm just one edge of your fucking shadow

The fault that you made of me

My stance, my stronghold,
hardened like cold metal
So much a part of me;
My veins, my knuckles,
you are creases between my elbows,
and in the palm of my hand

You are the world rotating beneath my back
The knot beside my spine
-Prague
The place between my shoulder blades
-Paris
You are the shiver in the bottom of my jaw

So much a part of me-
a torrent, a strain, a cast-iron, hard-bitten stone.

You are so much so
that I let you
torment my nothingness,
boast my inadequacy,
hold my weakness hostage,
and pour your self seen perfection in my ears

So blame all your flaws on me
You know I will hold

Because without you-
I can't be.
I'm white noise or
just some ghost of your memories
A wisp of frozen dreams
The fault that you made of me

Comatose Lover

I'm walking the 118 grooves on the edge of a dime,
the one you kept with the pizza shop gumball and the liquor store reciept
I'm hiding between the place where you can't even reach, though blood and spit proceed
You put your lips on my eyes like my priest
and waited for me to be free
but you took that when you baptized me

I'm not your Little Albert experiment,
I'm your comatose lover,
all wrapped up in seeds
prepared for you to eat
Please come and validate me
or violate me
or put me under your eyelids so only you can see the mess
of atoms that make my body

You are echoeing in my stomach, removed from my hull
some noble inspecting my fingernails for residue
of things that pure eyes can see
Some inclination to dispose of this
or program some new model
with no body
only the feeling of goosebumps and whats between my thighs

You can bait your lines with me
and leave the rest for the bulls
or keep the dime as my token
or sit on my chest and strangle the life from me
and spit on the eyes you kissed
I'm just not free inside of all of this

ophelia

ophelia'opehial,opal"open, orange>own up-donut, do not trust me; you'll see' lucy in the sky;;juicy fruti disguise'sunrise,surprise,surplus;surface''''rufus wainright.daynight;staynalive> pain is life;wrongorright::orangatang;/ orange tan""orange'open.opal\\|opehial<>ophelia

some notes from being high

THD NUMBER25 IS HAUNTING ME I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOF


hello porcupine
you think I'm high but I need more
"let's live free and easy man"
it's quiet on your side
i can smell nicotine through the phone
i can hear you pouring more wine
"the living room is such a mess"
bobby pins feel foreign
I thought the Apocalypse happened tonight
in a fit of stoned-ed-ness
I have the itch
I'm not running low
enough for a while
my skin hurts
this music is insane
it got dark out
I  want to be hideous
I want hairy armpits and my septum pierced
I want people to question me
I want to be in the 90's
why arent i a goddess
i need more



what if all this is is isness and all it isnt is wasness or shineyness????????

I burrowed

I burrowed-like a root-between days

Between the seasons, I've hidden

I’m in the pause, I’m in the afterwards

I’m the blank page

I've climbed inside your glass of brandy

I’m the black speck on the side

I am nearly nothingness

And yet you feel me

Maybe more so the ice cube you left in the glass

Or the wrapper from your straw

Or the eyelash that couldn't hold on

A bottle cap you thought was a coin in the dark

I’m too thin

I haven’t got enuff nuffness

When I was tiny, mommy wouldn't even hold my hand

It was too clammy

And I’m too clammy

I’m not polished enough

I climb inside jars to hide

Because mommy makes me nervous

 I’m the ash clinging to your cigarette

The road off the road on your map

The smoothed away wrinkle in a dress

So much the frame and not the picture

  

I hid behind the register

And stole four pennies

I hid behind the dryer

And ate all the marshmallows from the lucky charms

 I’m barely an acorn or a dried leaf

I’m barely a fizzle in a soda

I could almost be a ball of lint

If I came from sweaters, not sin

I’m just below the surface

I’m the yellow stain

I’m further than tomorrow

I’m yesterdays