In these nights

In these nights I remember sharing the last cigarette,
your lips on my thigh
How you called me a junkie
Bitter drips and the way you hit me
like you had no choice but to control me

Unison breathing
and hiding every piece of reason in your bed sheets
And your jealousy at my outstanding loyalty
Thinking you shone fidelity and honesty,
that you were the only way to the place I had to be

I'm dancing bitter
I'm singing longing
And the longing is for you to still want me
even though you are nothing like the person I made you out to be
Clinging to the t-shirt you gave me like some false memory

In these nights
I write and rewrite suicide notes
Some that blame you
All that love you
Sick at myself for thinking I knew you

I think of your hands:
All that you did with them,
all that you brought on me
and stuck on me,
and I realize how small I was when you crushed me with reality

I'm just one edge of your fucking shadow