On the eve of war he comes to me

On the eve of war he comes to me In all the life leading up to this he lived it for me; Time blurred and my heart was still a seed All curses and heartache were behind glass for me to watch in niavity Freedom was a place in stories He placed it in the palm of my hand: Smaller than a dew drop, brighter than a sunbeam Sight,touch, life Then my body splits at the sight of him, I multiply at his grasp I cling to him- the gentle rasp of his breath, the constant ache of his chest I see him in the shadows on the floor, in every woman's eyes' Hollows, fragments, shifts, bends Intoxicated by his abundance Imprisoned by his promise False forevers in his letter I come to him on the eve of death Not knowing of the battles ahead I'm unmasked by his communion of kisses, by his mass of lies I climb outside myself and look to them this row of unmasked statues waiting to come to life I come to him on the eve of paradise with a promise to die beside him- to die beneath him In the place I began, in the place that he found me- to let his divinity surround me

Thunder song

From the deck to the sea floor
I swallowed my tongue
Chanting your name when the thunder had come

The blind man with the shattered nose knows your song
You're six parts flesh to one part mud
The congregation of sinners sing your hymn
You're the sick man's deathbed and the tough man's blood

Well, I conjured the lover that started a flood
I sunk to the bottom on seeing her face
You rise to occasion to give her the rose
I rise to the ceiling a glimmer of grace

From the deck to the sea floor
I swallowed my tongue
Chanting your name when the thunder had come

In these nights

In these nights I remember sharing the last cigarette,
your lips on my thigh
How you called me a junkie
Bitter drips and the way you hit me
like you had no choice but to control me

Unison breathing
and hiding every piece of reason in your bed sheets
And your jealousy at my outstanding loyalty
Thinking you shone fidelity and honesty,
that you were the only way to the place I had to be

I'm dancing bitter
I'm singing longing
And the longing is for you to still want me
even though you are nothing like the person I made you out to be
Clinging to the t-shirt you gave me like some false memory

In these nights
I write and rewrite suicide notes
Some that blame you
All that love you
Sick at myself for thinking I knew you

I think of your hands:
All that you did with them,
all that you brought on me
and stuck on me,
and I realize how small I was when you crushed me with reality

I'm just one edge of your fucking shadow

The fault that you made of me

My stance, my stronghold,
hardened like cold metal
So much a part of me;
My veins, my knuckles,
you are creases between my elbows,
and in the palm of my hand

You are the world rotating beneath my back
The knot beside my spine
-Prague
The place between my shoulder blades
-Paris
You are the shiver in the bottom of my jaw

So much a part of me-
a torrent, a strain, a cast-iron, hard-bitten stone.

You are so much so
that I let you
torment my nothingness,
boast my inadequacy,
hold my weakness hostage,
and pour your self seen perfection in my ears

So blame all your flaws on me
You know I will hold

Because without you-
I can't be.
I'm white noise or
just some ghost of your memories
A wisp of frozen dreams
The fault that you made of me